Question #5: Who do you work for?

Once again, the question comes as coincidence.

I'm steeped in that dynamic process known as "job hunting." Although I've had many jobs, this is the first time I've ever "hunted" for one. My other jobs more or less fell out of the sky. At most, I reached up and plucked.

Plus, I don't actually think I've worked full-time in one role, at one location. I've certainly never been on salary. I've been a career freelancer, free-styler, and free spirit. I've made much of my adult life work for me in a way that supported travel, flexibility, creative control, and unlimited days off.

Until more offspring arrived, anyway.

With two kids four and under, I'm accustomed to intense working conditions, long hours, and politics. I can analyze and adjust, with or without feedback. I'm able to multi-task endless high-priority projects across departments under pressure, without sacrificing quality or attention to detail (most of the time). My apartment even feels like a cubicle, albeit well-personalized.

But the motherhood job, though essential, pays nothing. In fact, it costs quite a bit. So I'm looking for another job that pays me enough money to afford the job I already have: keeping me and my children safely housed, healthily fed, and adequately resourced.

On one hand, I'm excited about the opportunity to go away each day, and then come home happy to see children I've missed (rather than just being happy to take an uninterrupted shower). I'm excited to leverage my talents and to be challenged, to sharpen new skills and make new connections. I'm excited to be financially independent.

On the other hand, I'm dreading the pressure. I'm dreading early mornings and commuting and closed-toed shoes. I'm dreading corporate norms across the board, really. I'm dreading "selling out" on myself as an Expressive Artivist. And I'm dreading the loss of being so close to my kids, of watching and knowing and feeling their every adorable and appalling move.

So, I ask myself: Who do I work for?

My family? A company? Society? A client-base? A manager?

While I might answer affirmatively to each of these, a deeper occupational clarity knocks. Perhaps I work "at," or "with," or "in consideration of" the above entities. And at times, I might find myself squirming in a belief that I am not free to do as I please.

Let me be clear, then:

I work for my Self.
I work for my dreams, visions, and goals.
I work for my Soul.
I work for the present moment.
I work for the creative pulse of Life.

No matter where I am, what I do, or how I stand,
I am fully employed by The Big Hand.

​May I rest in peace.

UPDATE: A week after the original writing of this answer, I am calling off the search for a full-time job. I interviewed with my top-choice company and processed my impressions. The result is that I’m committing to living out my value of creative freedom. I will be the sole owner of voice.

Expect to see much more of me than expected.